Parenting is a tricky thing. All the parents want their children to learn from their mistakes and grow into a more successful version of them. Sometimes in a hassle to teach them the mistakes parents made in their lives, they forget to give children a chance to learn by accident.
Learning is a continuous process for a human being. It doesn’t stop till the time one dies. For children we have a notion that we can teach them everything we have learnt along with the things we want them to do as parents. Today, I want to highlight a few pointers which I think are mandatory for every parent to teach.
Stop Teaching And Be The Example
Words don’t mean anything when we ourselves don’t abide by them. We teach our children to be disciplined, to be well mannered, to respect their elders, not to lie and many more such things. Sometimes we get shocked to see that our children learn exactly the opposite. In that case instead of scolding the child, we should take a moment to think if we did anything which taught our child the contrary of what we intended to teach. Lets take an example; a mother teaches her child not to lie. On various occasions she asks her child to be truthful and be fearless. One day, when the child was going to school he saw his father telling a man on the phone that he is already on his way to the office. In reality he was just having his morning tea and it would take two more hours for him to reach there. He asked the man to wait and told him that he will reach in just a little time. This incident conveyed a very wrong message to the child. He learnt to lie as per his convenience and on top of it he knows that it’s alright if you back out on your words. In future if the child doesn’t keep his promises and lies, then is it his fault?
Equality Needs to Be Taught In The Childhood Itself
Today we are facing so many issues where women get suppressed by men. There are many cases when women misuse their powers. For this problem to be addressed by it’s roots we need to teach our children the concept of equality. If we teach our little girl to wash her dish after eating then the boy should do the same. We should never specify roles for any of them. Both the boys and the girls should do all the things without any privilege. They should equally clean their room, clean their dishes, help the mother in her household chores, go to the supermarket, and do many more such things to know that no roles are divided on the grounds of gender.
Teach Them To Say ‘NO’
Every child needs to learn the power of saying NO. When he will see his parents saying a firm ‘NO’ to them and standing by it, he or she will learn. Your children might trouble you a little by saying no in all the unnecessary things but it’s for the greater good. When they will go for a job, they will have a ground to stand if they will know the power of saying ‘NO’. They will always draw the line beyond which they will not tolerate. This ‘NO’ also applies to both the girls and boys. The girls who will choose to stay home to take care of their families, will learn that they have the power to put their foot down when they feel that something unfair is prevailing. They will lead a better life if they will know when to say ‘NO’ and when to hear it.
Allow Them To Fall
These days parents have become so protective of their children that they don’t want them to go through any pain. If it is the pain of falling, of failing or losing. Many a times I have seen parents who bring gifts for everyone participating in the game just to make sure that nobody gets heart broken. If you will not teach your child that failure is a part of life then how will they learn to get out of difficult situations. They need to learn to fall and get back up on their own. They need to learn the ways with which they can gather their courage and keep moving forward. Life is not a bed of roses and you need to raise a fighter, not a crier. So, next time your child falls and his knee starts to bleed, ask him to get back up dust his hands and wash his wound. Raise a brave heart.
Be Panic Free
Indian parents are tuned to live their entire lives in panic. Even a small situation makes them panic. They lose the clarity of thought and rush into decisions. When the child looks at the mother panicking after looking at his bleeding finger, he learns. As parents we should learn to stay calm in the situations where staying calm is the hardest thing to do. Let’s take one more example. A child went to tuition with a friend and decided to go to his friend’s house for playing after attending the class. He doesn’t understand responsibility yet, so he forgot to inform his mother about his extra play time. When he returns home two hours later, it’s natural for the mother to be panicky. But she needs to keep her panic in control. She just can’t start yelling at the child when she looks at him crossing the door. She needs to be calm and handle the situation peacefully. The peace of mind is very necessary to make right decisions in life. Your child will learn from you. So teach your child the value of a chaos free and panic free life.
I know parenting swings both ways. A parent needs to be soft and strong both at the same time. In my childhood, my mother used to tell me that a potter holds the pot from the inside but keeps tapping it from the outside to shape it perfectly. Childhood is the same. A parent needs to support the child and needs to shape him at the same time.
We at SheNeeds know that every child is unique in his own way. We wish you to make him a little more extraordinary. Happy Parenting!!